Note To Yourself, Lili

Hey Lili,

I know right now you're having a hard time. That you try to change for good but hey, Rome was not built in a day. I noticed when you got carried away, you drifted apart and sometimes I saw you cried yourself to sleep. But who the heck has rainbows everyday. You do you. There are days when you regrets over decision and mistakes which you still wondering if it was the right thing to do. Don't shudder. Ever.

Nah I had my meltdown already. So I'm all okay.

p/s: No this note was not about relationship, I basically had a meltdown about my posting. It was a good one since I did it with my friends in a whatsapp group haha :)

Book: How To Fall In Love

But where pain was, healing could come; where loneliness was, new relationships could be formed; where rejection was, new love could be found. It was a moment. And moments changed. 

(Cecelia Ahern, How To Fall In Love)

I really mad at myself for taking such a long time to finish this book when in fact this book actually captured my heart. I started reading this book a few weeks back and completely forgot about it. Today I made a pact to start reading again before I forgot about the characters. You know when you had finished a book and said to yourself 'I need to read this book again!" Well this is the book, people. THIS IS IT. 

As far as I recalled, I'm a bad reader. How I choose books? Most of the times because it has nice cover. Believe me. But I have one favorite author. Cecelia Ahern will always hold a special place in my heart. Right now I've collected most of her books. Though some readers hate the fact she always instilled magical elements in her book, for some reasons I like it. Even though HTFIL doesn't have the magical elements it has become my favorite book now. YASZ! (Mental note: Now I need to finish the book before which I abandoned every nights before I slept last year, dang I have to start from page 1.) 

p/s: Anyway by Tori Kelly

Spoken Word Poetry

A few days ago I got hooked on spoken word poetry. It's like getting to know another world after, let's say, 5 or 6 months of doing NOTHING. Well well some people might be judgmental "Oh wow, you only listen to English radio station in car now you prefer poetry instead of everything in Malay?"

Kinda. Yeah. Lol. I only listen to English radio station in my car. Why?

It's just I always feel listening to songs in Malay are too straighforward. Erm how can I put these into words. Malay is my first language, hence, all the bunga-bunga and cheesy words get me like 'Eiuw'.

I am amaze by our beautiful Bahasa Malaysia. Cuma cannot bear with the 'Hai, saya betul-betul sayang awak' kekeke. Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa.

So here's my favourite poetry from Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye, 'When Love Arrives'

I knew exactly what love looked like – in seventh grade
Even though I hadn’t met love yet, if love had wandered into my homeroom, I would’ve recognized him at first glance. Love wore a hemp necklace.
I would’ve recognized her at first glance, love wore a tight french braid.
Love played acoustic guitar and knew all my favorite Beatles songs.
Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me.
And I knew, I just must be searching the wrong classrooms, just must be checking the wrong hallways, she was there, I was sure of it.
If only I could find him.
But when love finally showed up, she had a bow cut.
He wore the same clothes every day for a week.
Love hated the bus.
Love didn’t know anything about The Beatles.
Instead, every time I try to kiss love, our teeth got in the way.
Love became the reason I lied to my parents. I’m going to- Ben’s house.
Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor, but made sure we never missed a slow song.
Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up it would be: “Hello? Hello? I guess they hung up.”
And love grew, stretched like a trampoline.
Love changed. Love disappeared,
Slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed.
Love vanished like an amateur magician, and everyone could see the trapdoor but me.
Like a flat tire, there were other places I planned on going, but my plans didn’t matter.
Love stayed away for years, and when love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him.
Love smelt different now, had darker eyes, a broader back, love came with freckles I didn’t recognize.
New birthmarks, a softer voice.
Now there were new sleeping patterns, new favorite books.
Love had songs that reminded him of someone else, songs love didn’t like to listen to. So did I.
But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly
We found jokes that make us laugh.
And now, love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies.
But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack.
Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer.
Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator.
Love knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned.
Love is messier now, not as simple.
Love uses the words “boobs” in front of my parents.
Love chews too loud.
Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste.
Love uses smiley faces in her text messages.
And turns out, love shits!
But love also cries.
And love will tell you you are beautiful and mean it, over and over again. “You are beautiful.”
When you first wake up, “you are beautiful.”
When you’ve just been crying, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t want to hear it, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t believe it, “you are beautiful.”
When nobody else will tell you, “you are beautiful.”
Love still thinks you are beautiful.
But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget, when you need to hear it most, you are beautiful, do not forget this.
Love is not who you were expecting, love is not who you can predict.
Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep;
You are in California, Australia, wide awake.
Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone.
Maybe love is not ready for you.
Maybe you are not ready for love.
Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type.
Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce, love is older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered.
Maybe love is only there for a month.
Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit.
Maybe love stays- maybe love can’t.
Maybe love shouldn’t.
Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to,
And love leaves exactly when love must.
When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”
If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper,
“Thank you for stopping by.”

p/s: Maybe love just isn't the marrying type.
 

Current Mood

Baru masuk surah Fatir (Pencipta) masa mengaji. Terus terkesan dengan ayat kedua. Sabarlah duhai hati. Bukan kau seorang je yang sakit.

Whatever Allah grants to people of mercy - none can withhold it; and whatever He withholds - none can release it thereafter. And He is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.

Meanwhile, been listening to these songs:

Kfine, kenapa lagu Sia, 1975 and Ariana Grande tiba-tiba lepas surah Fatir kan? Let's just say the lyrics felt so close to what I'm feeling lah macam tu.

Baby, don't you know all them tears gon' come and go
Baby, you just gotta make up your mind
That every little thing is gonna be alright
Baby, don't you know all them tears gon' come and go
Baby, you just gotta make up your mind
We decide it, we're gonna be alright.

p/s: 2016 got me like, eh dah 24 ^^

SPP Interview: My Experience

Kinda debating to write this post, but whatever.

Here you go, my experience for SPP interview. 

On April 13th, 2016. 

7.30 a.m.

Room 8. (Note that the panel for each room might change according to weeks.)

I didn't snap any pictures in front of SPP building. Imagine the feelings you had on that morning. Even if you had prepared mentally and physically. Trust me, I'm a teacher. Haha. Oh forgot to mention that we stayed in Mihrab Hotel, Putrajya. I would say around 10 minutes driving. (Of course, if you are driving to the interview, please check the SPP building beforehand.) Don't get confused with SPA, sebab u can actually see the sign for SPA building tapi untuk SPP di Kompleks Jabatan Perdana Menteri. Rasanya dari Mihrab Hotel tu kitorg jumpa SPA dulu baru SPP. 

Tak perlu drive masuk mana-mana guards untuk ke SPP tu. You should see a lot of you with blazer and files walking on that morning, so just follow them if you get lost. Parking depan SPP tu limited tapi around the place ada parking with tickets. Luckily Salleh drop us that morning, hehe. 

Get ready with your driving license, matrik cards would do too for you to get the visitor pass. Don't do anything on your own. Tak tahu please tanya orang. Then, check which building is your bilik interview. Mine was B3 bilik 8. So, block 3. It is a little bit further away from the building you get the visitor pass.

Once you in the room, you sit according to your room. Room 1 row 1 macam tu lah (tapi kitorg duduk je mana), ada pegawai yang akan panggil nama kita untuk check file. So make sure your file dah complete tapi if you're not sure ke just bring everything. Kalau ada yang tak perlu, pegawai tu akan keluarkan.

I got a very friendly staff. It was a guy (pewit, haha joking). He looked like Eric Leong yang deko rumah tu. Sorry! Ingat kan Chinese but he greeted me with salam. He played a big role to calm down you guys on the morning as far as I can remember I was so nervous and didn't eat anything. Once your file is OKAY, you should be ready for the interview. In my case, the staff told us who are our panel right after we lined up to go into the room. We were the first group so if you are the second and so on you should know your panel from the people before that.

Memang masa beratur nak masuk tu akan nervous sangat-sangat, blank and tak ingat apa-apa dah. It's normal. Tawakal and redha. You read a lot of things dah kan mesti ingat punya. Jangan stress or tension sampai moody ke. Relax. Even the panel said they would not fail anyone unless they had to. Our group questions were a lot of experiences from practicum and your teaching. Kalau you tak ingat ke, your group will help you. No worries. In my case, the panel bagi hints jugak sebab all of us stuck. 

Good luck. Setiap orang ada lain-lain pengalaman SPP. So, do your best!

p/s: This is the life!

Stickwitu 1.0

I shall name this post 1.0 because it marked our first mini reunion after 5 months of graduating.

So, SPP interview? Alhamdulillah another phase of becoming a teacher. Not sure if I nailed or screwed it. Nevertheless, I did it! Good luck to others, if you haven't done your interview. Perhaps I should write an entry about my experience there.

We stayed in Putrajaya for 2 nights, of course filled with a lot of foods, chit chat and girls. Ya Allah, rindunya. Sebelum ni dah biasa tengok muka masing-masing for 5 and 1/2 years. Imagine. Had the chance to meet Mifzal, Kak Aida's baby. Lemme tell you, this baby ain't crying easily. Haha.

Lepas dendam dengan Ikea's meatballs, hehe. Satisfaction.

Now? Let's hope for the best.

p/s: When you tried your best and gave everything, the best thing to do after that is Doa. Rezeki Allah SWT tu luas, you don't get posted tapi you still got the time to spend with family. Instead of negativity, please spread the positivity. If your friends have good news and you don't, don't get demotivated. Again, rezeki Allah SWT tu luaskan. 

Project of Colours

After 4 weeks here in SK Labu, we finally finished with the internship. But did we finish the projects? Heck of course lah belum. Kertas kerja pun tunggang langgang tapi markah dah dapat. Biasalah nak survive dalam arus sekolah dengan projek tak siap, haha.

Penat tau dengan gigihnya kitorg datang sekolah buat projek. Hari sekolah cuti sebab jerebu tu lah kitorg ni dok mengecat kat kaki lima sekolah. Walaupun senget benget, well what can you expect? Cikgu perempuan kot. Cantik lah tu daripada takde apa-apa teehee.

p/s: So I found my childhood's hobby :)