Feelings

Lately, I realized that I did not channel my feelings properly, the way they should be. Like being sad when you have to say goodbye to your best friends despite all those friendship's turbulence you went through. Nope. I did not shed any tears. I don't feel like it's a big lost. People come and go. What can you do, that's what I thought.

Perhaps I only feel their absence when there's no one to talk to. No one to listen to my childish chit chatty. Me do all the talking and they laugh. I do miss that. I might be scared of losing my funny skills. I realized before this when I'm being funny and use my friends as the subject of topic, they just laugh it off. No hard feelings (I hope so, guys). Ya'll know friends who laugh at your jokes, it made me feel like 'Gah, I'm so freaking funny!'. But now, I have to be aware because these lovable friends, they are not here with me. I'm dealing with someone else.

Sorry for giving you hope and being the one who crushed it down. Honestly, I didn't mean it. I guess, we both have different goals right now. I can't bring myself to the crowds. Like I said to you, I'm a coward. I'm scared and it is something that I cannot explain rather easily.

When you cannot organize your state of feelings like me, you do not feel what is at the moment. I remembered Dee said 'You have to let out what you're feeling' or else you'll have a meltdown.

p/s: How to let out the feelings when I am numb?

 

Girls On Top!

Never been an active kinda girl. I asked my mom one time dulu if I can hike Broga Hill.

And she answered "Pergilah tanya ayah. Ibu tak kisah. Kadang-kadang ayah tak bagi sangat keluar."

Please remember if my mom answered this type of answers, it means:

"NO NO NO. Mana boleh pegi Broga Hill tu bahaya tau! Tau tak kat situ Along Spoon kena bunuh. Janganlah bahaya."

Hahaha. My dad jenis yang cool giler that I don't even asked his permission nak pergi rombongan sekolah sebab it's my MOM who decides everything. Kekeke.

So Broga Hill, NOPE.

But hey, I did this :)

I've reached the top of Gunung Datuk. Alahai mesti rasa macam 'Eleh baru nak naik ke, bukannya tinggi mana pun!' 

p/s: Azab semangat pegi hiking tu sampai bila-bila takkan lupa. And I sms-ed my mom that I went to Gunung Datuk malam dah balik tu. Bad daughter!

BAE T.T

In times of hardship and difficulties, most of us need support je rasanya. (though rasa macam nak orang lain rasa benda sama). It's not fair lah kan.

Contoh:
Smartphone kau hilang, tak kan kau nak orang lain hilangkan jugak smartphone diorang just so they can feel exactly what you feel. Seriouslah tak adil. Aku pun tak nak hilang phone semata-mata kawan hilang phone dia.

Ye analogi aku bercelaru. Sebenarnya simple je apa aku nak tulis.

I've been expelled (gituh) from staying inside my college which means no more waking up late in the morning peeps haha. So I had mixed feelings, was a bit bitter towards my friends until someone whatsapp me.

This was what my friend wrote:
"Insyaallah jgn risau kayss moga Allah permudahkan sbb ko selalu permudahkan urusan orang..hehe"

I don't need random quotes on tumblr dah, this made my day. *wipe tears*

p/s: I found my bae!

Goodbye

Kalau kami maksud geng hang, kami rasa friendship tu boleh bertahan lama.

-Jaja, 2014-

I would never want to hurt my friends. 

So I'm saying goodbye to you.

Cake and Wishes

22.
Tak tau nak rasa apa, patut rasa apa?
Thanks all the wishes on FB, Instagram and of course, short messaging service. Kekeke.

Alhamdulillah for everything.
Sometimes I wonder if I found myself. My true self.
I did, not too long ago.
Then, orientation hidup senget balik.
Ya Allah, ease everything for me. Tak nak jadi macam dulu.
Zaman hidup kacau bilau, sinned like I'll live forever.

Thanks for the cake.
Thanks for the wishes, again.
Thanks for that midnight conversation.

p/s: Elaun nyawa-nyawa ikan.

22 :)

Yes you have so many gazillion reasons to smile. You just have to find one.
Lamanya tak menulis. *so cliche*
There are so many sweet and memorable things I wanted to write but somehow they lost in the ways.
But worry no more coz Lili is back! *hopefully*

p/s: Oh happy 22th birthday to me. 

And currently listening to Ed Sheeran's album 'X' coz it's awesome. 

He's awesome.

His music is awesome.

The album is awesome. 

Kbye!

Eid 2014

After a long procrastination, I’m finally making a comeback. Come clap for me people :)

First story.

Eid 2014.

Tahun ni takde theme warna apa. Ibu said, I quote, “Belasah jelah warna apa2 pun.”

Girls with the same corak of paisley but different colours. Mine with pink. Surprise surprise surprise, pink actually ‘my’ colour. Yup. Haha. Ayah and Azim chose blue for their Baju Melayu.

Ahad before Raya as orang N9 would call it as ‘Hari Mantai’ tu memang first time kerah keringat tolong ibu kat dapur. Sebelum ni tolong sikit2 ja. Tahun ni ibu punya excited buat rendang daging 2kg uolls and rendang maman like banyak giler okay! Perah santan sendiri 10 biji. Tumbuk sendiri kerisik dari masak sampai jadi coklat tu. Perghhhh terbaik. Tapi PUAS HATI!

Kekeke. Night on 4th and 5th raya tu pelan last minutes nak beraya rumah geng2 sekolah. Yelah dah drive sendiri, kalau tak dulu takdenya. This year such a meaningful memories sebab guess what, Puteri Khairunniza joined us! Maka bersua mukalah kami setelah beberapa tahun tak jumpa dia. Babe, you’re doing great! As usual ada Rafnor and Farah. Kekekkee.

Sempat beli monopod from Kak Wani hari Jumaat before balik. Puas lah cari siapa yang jual (nak beli jugak even takde smartphone), last2 time nak balik sekolah hari Jumaat tu, Kak Wani tgh buat monopod sale kat boot kereta dia. Hahaha. One good thing using monopod is actually you can fit a lot of people in one frame. Beli bukan sebab femes semua dok tangkap gambar guna benda alah tu tapi sebab praktikaliti. *yelah tu*

 p/s: KFC Gemencheh harus buat 24 jam :)