Feelings

Lately, I realized that I did not channel my feelings properly, the way they should be. Like being sad when you have to say goodbye to your best friends despite all those friendship's turbulence you went through. Nope. I did not shed any tears. I don't feel like it's a big lost. People come and go. What can you do, that's what I thought.

Perhaps I only feel their absence when there's no one to talk to. No one to listen to my childish chit chatty. Me do all the talking and they laugh. I do miss that. I might be scared of losing my funny skills. I realized before this when I'm being funny and use my friends as the subject of topic, they just laugh it off. No hard feelings (I hope so, guys). Ya'll know friends who laugh at your jokes, it made me feel like 'Gah, I'm so freaking funny!'. But now, I have to be aware because these lovable friends, they are not here with me. I'm dealing with someone else.

Sorry for giving you hope and being the one who crushed it down. Honestly, I didn't mean it. I guess, we both have different goals right now. I can't bring myself to the crowds. Like I said to you, I'm a coward. I'm scared and it is something that I cannot explain rather easily.

When you cannot organize your state of feelings like me, you do not feel what is at the moment. I remembered Dee said 'You have to let out what you're feeling' or else you'll have a meltdown.

p/s: How to let out the feelings when I am numb?