12 Years Later...

If it's not because of Aida, I wouldn't be there for Tini's wedding. Trust me. Anything about my primary school friends I would run from it. Why?

So let me tell you a short story.

Once upon a time, there was this girl whose parents are both teachers and she went to their school. She didn't have so many friends. Other kids dislike her because she was short tempered. She liked to pick fights with other kids especially boys. Well, she thought she was cool. The end.

Okay that girl is me. Believe me, going to reunion like today reminds me so much on how horrible I was. Really though. That's why I don't really go to my primary school friends' wedding. Sorry. I feel bad recalling the little girl I was 12 years ago. However, today they made me realized that 'Hey c'mon I'm still a kid kot dulu. Of course I do dumb things!'

Everyone is changing. You don't stay the same. You learn from mistakes and buckle up for the next phase. I'm like, screw you little Farah, screw everything.

p/s: If I could say something to my 12 year old Farah, I would tell her to make more friends, to appreciate them and...never pick fights with anyone I supposed haha :)

August :)

Alhamdulillah. Praise be to Allah.

I finally get posted peeps. Too many rumors. Too much promises. Too many hopes.

As far as I can remember, I finished school around November 2015 (itu kira sekali intern kays). Was called for interview on April 2016. Got my SPP interview result at the end of June.

Tahu tak from November until Ogos ni, berapa banyak kami-kami ni rasa hopeless. Cuba jadi positif kata mereka, tapi bila sampai dah tengah tahun tu berapa positif lagi kau ada. Nevertheless, I'm a happy kid staying at home. And yeah, I didn't work.

But didn't stay at home doing nothing. I kinda improved my cooking skills what. Takdelah level advanced. Perhaps intermediate maybe. Hehe.

I called my mom as soon as I checked my posting results. Silap timing lah time tu ibu kita dalam kelas, the whole class could hear I was shouting + crying excitedly. Haha sorry kids that's how your future teacher will be. Being posted to Negeri Sembilan is truly a blessing. Which school which district? Let's wait this Monday.

p/s: Never been so happy like I'm feeling right now. Alhamdulillah for everything.

Book: Rafa: My Story

“Enduring means accepting. Accepting things as they are and not as you would wish them to be, and then looking ahead, not behind.”

As a girl who bought a tennis racquet just because of that one semester, this book open my eyes about this sport. Now to make it clear, I'm not a sport fan. During high school, I used to get hooked on Formula 1. It was the year when Lewis Hamilton was the new guy. Being an avid supporter of Ferrari's Kimi Raikkonen that time though. HAHAHA.

So last week, tennis was kinda my lost and found treasure. Tak sure how but I was searching for Federer then macam teringat another guy who is Nadal. And that's how the story went from US Open, Wimbledon lah macam-macam. The thing about me is I don't like sport because I can't take the pressure of tension for the players to finish. Macam too much to handle lah. It explained why I watched past matches only cause I knew siapa yang menang. 

Then, I found out that Nadal has a book through one of his matches in youtube. It was the classic Wimbledon 2008 between him and Federer. People said it was one of the best matches in history. Trust me, it is. Nadal told more about the match in his book. His preparations, what he felt before and during. A little about his childhood. It's fascinating to know how strong his mental are. This amazed me sangat. He had this pre-ritual and routine things he does for every matches. Kelakar jugak lah tapi from that book he said it's not superstitious because if it's true than how come he always does that despite it's a win or lose match. TRUE! 

I learned that, to be successful like him you can't expect only talent. He said Federer is a guy who was born to play tennis unlike him. He practices everyday even though he's on vacation. Not to forget his humbleness. So dah tahulah kenapa setiap kali habis tournaments despite dia kalah ke menang, Nadal mesti akan puji pihak lawan dia (if they deserves it). Sebab ayah dia ajar daripada kecil tak kisah memang or kalah you have to praise and say good things about them.

I would say this was a good book if you're a fan of him. Well I do. Paling best tengok dia lawan during Roland Garros. That's why he is the King of Clay. He literally macam clay-skating kot atas tu.

p/s: "However great your dedication, you never win anything on your own."

22 Ramadhan

This post was supposed to go up last Wednesday and somehow it didn't for so many reasons. Alhamdulillah as I passed my SPP interview yet it was an awful day for some of us. His arrangements are so beautiful that even when we ask for something He'd signaled 'Not yet.'

I like to say all of us always dua for good things, we ask to be given health, rrizq, peace, to be able to take care our parents for as long as we can, partners. We dua for our heart to be at ease, for Him to wash our pain. Sometimes, He gives us different answers to our prayers.

How is it, the odd of failing our SPP interview happened to one of my best friends. I was so happy to pass. An hour later, I found out that our friends had failed. Of course I didn't have the same pain as they did but I know exactly how it feels to be waiting for something and when the time comes to, you didn't make the call.

I'll always bad at words but I want them to know that the fact Allah chose them for this test means He remembers them. My mind came to conclusion He doesn't remember me, He ignored me there were my friends He loves the most. Stay strong, I know you are. You should be proud of yourself. You didn't make the cut because you were terrible but it is Him who has another plan for you. You hit the lowest point of your life and for this will driven you to fly to the highest peak. No matter how worse you think of yourself, I am here and will always be beside you.

p/s: I applaud you.

A Good Drive

It was a sunny afternoon, on my way to Seremban, when suddenly it crossed my mind.

I enjoy driving.

Preferably alone but companion makes it better sometime when they don't mess up with your playlist. It's about focusing on the endless rocky road, making sure that your passengers are safe and listening to self-pick musics playlist. Never mind the hot blazing sunny day that peek through from the mirror, I never bothered to wear sunscreen anyway. I realize driving gives me some peace you can't even find while sitting alone in your bedroom.

The history went back in 2013, I got my first car and believe me it was terrifying driving alone. Somehow experience is the best teacher when you drive back home for every weekend. I gotta admit, a lot of things went through my mind when my hands on the wheel. It's the only time I allowed myself to think about them. I remembered when I had rough times in my life, I would cry while driving and believe me it ain't easy driving while crying.

Maybe I should go for a road trip?

p/s: Nothing hurts than whiteheads around your face! Gahhhhh.

Book: Me Before You

 Yes, I read ebook because I can't afford another book shopping!

“Live boldly. Push yourself. Don't settle.”

Indeed, I'm in book marathon. The next book I decided on was Me Before You by Jojo Moyes.

[Spoiler Alert]
I first watched the trailer. Yes, it's not a new book, published back in 2012. And yes, it's now turned into a movie. Starring by Sam Claflin and Emilia Clarke.

Watched the trailer. Okay, it seemed like a sad romance movie.
Read the book halfway. This is hilarious and sad at the same time, huh.
Re-watched the trailer. Teary-eyed.
Finish the book. Crying and sobbing myself, WTH.

Me Before You is about Will Traynor who seem to me like a guy who believes that life should be about doing a lot of things, not just accepting it. You have to change things. That's what I interpreted from his characters. Then, he was in accident, became quadriplegic where everything below his chest were paralyzed. Yes, he can't recover. He gave his parents 6 months until he chose to end his life with his own way by going to Dignitas (assisted dying organisation).

I pretty much relate myself with Louisa Clark. She was a very happy person. Look at the way she dressed herself. Lots of colors. That is how I live my life. I like wearing colorful clothes because I do believe it affects your mood. In some way, attention is what I seek for.

Well, my classmates know me and colors are inseparable.

Lou said she's happy with the way she is at the moment. She's very ordinary. Same goes to me. I hate changes. I just want to go through the same things, maybe a few changes. Despite I want to try and explore more things deep down inside of me, I know, they are difficult for some reasons.

I find myself get comfortable with ordinary things. Where they don't get much attention from others. Guess that is why I divert them to my choice of clothing.

The ending of the book, I would say it was unexpected. I thought Will would change his mind. I really do. Even on the last page, I was hoping there would be some sort of twist. If someone saw me when I read the book towards the ending, they must've thought I was out of my mind. Sobbing. Crying. Runny nose. The story changed my view on people like Will.

p/s: I'm not sure how I can watch the movie without crying. Well, watching it alone!

Note To Yourself, Lili

Hey Lili,

I know right now you're having a hard time. That you try to change for good but hey, Rome was not built in a day. I noticed when you got carried away, you drifted apart and sometimes I saw you cried yourself to sleep. But who the heck has rainbows everyday. You do you. There are days when you regrets over decision and mistakes which you still wondering if it was the right thing to do. Don't shudder. Ever.

Nah I had my meltdown already. So I'm all okay.

p/s: No this note was not about relationship, I basically had a meltdown about my posting. It was a good one since I did it with my friends in a whatsapp group haha :)