12 Years Later...

If it's not because of Aida, I wouldn't be there for Tini's wedding. Trust me. Anything about my primary school friends I would run from it. Why?

So let me tell you a short story.

Once upon a time, there was this girl whose parents are both teachers and she went to their school. She didn't have so many friends. Other kids dislike her because she was short tempered. She liked to pick fights with other kids especially boys. Well, she thought she was cool. The end.

Okay that girl is me. Believe me, going to reunion like today reminds me so much on how horrible I was. Really though. That's why I don't really go to my primary school friends' wedding. Sorry. I feel bad recalling the little girl I was 12 years ago. However, today they made me realized that 'Hey c'mon I'm still a kid kot dulu. Of course I do dumb things!'

Everyone is changing. You don't stay the same. You learn from mistakes and buckle up for the next phase. I'm like, screw you little Farah, screw everything.

p/s: If I could say something to my 12 year old Farah, I would tell her to make more friends, to appreciate them and...never pick fights with anyone I supposed haha :)

August :)

Alhamdulillah. Praise be to Allah.

I finally get posted peeps. Too many rumors. Too much promises. Too many hopes.

As far as I can remember, I finished school around November 2015 (itu kira sekali intern kays). Was called for interview on April 2016. Got my SPP interview result at the end of June.

Tahu tak from November until Ogos ni, berapa banyak kami-kami ni rasa hopeless. Cuba jadi positif kata mereka, tapi bila sampai dah tengah tahun tu berapa positif lagi kau ada. Nevertheless, I'm a happy kid staying at home. And yeah, I didn't work.

But didn't stay at home doing nothing. I kinda improved my cooking skills what. Takdelah level advanced. Perhaps intermediate maybe. Hehe.

I called my mom as soon as I checked my posting results. Silap timing lah time tu ibu kita dalam kelas, the whole class could hear I was shouting + crying excitedly. Haha sorry kids that's how your future teacher will be. Being posted to Negeri Sembilan is truly a blessing. Which school which district? Let's wait this Monday.

p/s: Never been so happy like I'm feeling right now. Alhamdulillah for everything.

Book: Rafa: My Story

“Enduring means accepting. Accepting things as they are and not as you would wish them to be, and then looking ahead, not behind.”

As a girl who bought a tennis racquet just because of that one semester, this book open my eyes about this sport. Now to make it clear, I'm not a sport fan. During high school, I used to get hooked on Formula 1. It was the year when Lewis Hamilton was the new guy. Being an avid supporter of Ferrari's Kimi Raikkonen that time though. HAHAHA.

So last week, tennis was kinda my lost and found treasure. Tak sure how but I was searching for Federer then macam teringat another guy who is Nadal. And that's how the story went from US Open, Wimbledon lah macam-macam. The thing about me is I don't like sport because I can't take the pressure of tension for the players to finish. Macam too much to handle lah. It explained why I watched past matches only cause I knew siapa yang menang. 

Then, I found out that Nadal has a book through one of his matches in youtube. It was the classic Wimbledon 2008 between him and Federer. People said it was one of the best matches in history. Trust me, it is. Nadal told more about the match in his book. His preparations, what he felt before and during. A little about his childhood. It's fascinating to know how strong his mental are. This amazed me sangat. He had this pre-ritual and routine things he does for every matches. Kelakar jugak lah tapi from that book he said it's not superstitious because if it's true than how come he always does that despite it's a win or lose match. TRUE! 

I learned that, to be successful like him you can't expect only talent. He said Federer is a guy who was born to play tennis unlike him. He practices everyday even though he's on vacation. Not to forget his humbleness. So dah tahulah kenapa setiap kali habis tournaments despite dia kalah ke menang, Nadal mesti akan puji pihak lawan dia (if they deserves it). Sebab ayah dia ajar daripada kecil tak kisah memang or kalah you have to praise and say good things about them.

I would say this was a good book if you're a fan of him. Well I do. Paling best tengok dia lawan during Roland Garros. That's why he is the King of Clay. He literally macam clay-skating kot atas tu.

p/s: "However great your dedication, you never win anything on your own."

22 Ramadhan

This post was supposed to go up last Wednesday and somehow it didn't for so many reasons. Alhamdulillah as I passed my SPP interview yet it was an awful day for some of us. His arrangements are so beautiful that even when we ask for something He'd signaled 'Not yet.'

I like to say all of us always dua for good things, we ask to be given health, rrizq, peace, to be able to take care our parents for as long as we can, partners. We dua for our heart to be at ease, for Him to wash our pain. Sometimes, He gives us different answers to our prayers.

How is it, the odd of failing our SPP interview happened to one of my best friends. I was so happy to pass. An hour later, I found out that our friends had failed. Of course I didn't have the same pain as they did but I know exactly how it feels to be waiting for something and when the time comes to, you didn't make the call.

I'll always bad at words but I want them to know that the fact Allah chose them for this test means He remembers them. My mind came to conclusion He doesn't remember me, He ignored me there were my friends He loves the most. Stay strong, I know you are. You should be proud of yourself. You didn't make the cut because you were terrible but it is Him who has another plan for you. You hit the lowest point of your life and for this will driven you to fly to the highest peak. No matter how worse you think of yourself, I am here and will always be beside you.

p/s: I applaud you.

A Good Drive

It was a sunny afternoon, on my way to Seremban, when suddenly it crossed my mind.

I enjoy driving.

Preferably alone but companion makes it better sometime when they don't mess up with your playlist. It's about focusing on the endless rocky road, making sure that your passengers are safe and listening to self-pick musics playlist. Never mind the hot blazing sunny day that peek through from the mirror, I never bothered to wear sunscreen anyway. I realize driving gives me some peace you can't even find while sitting alone in your bedroom.

The history went back in 2013, I got my first car and believe me it was terrifying driving alone. Somehow experience is the best teacher when you drive back home for every weekend. I gotta admit, a lot of things went through my mind when my hands on the wheel. It's the only time I allowed myself to think about them. I remembered when I had rough times in my life, I would cry while driving and believe me it ain't easy driving while crying.

Maybe I should go for a road trip?

p/s: Nothing hurts than whiteheads around your face! Gahhhhh.

Book: Me Before You

 Yes, I read ebook because I can't afford another book shopping!

“Live boldly. Push yourself. Don't settle.”

Indeed, I'm in book marathon. The next book I decided on was Me Before You by Jojo Moyes.

[Spoiler Alert]
I first watched the trailer. Yes, it's not a new book, published back in 2012. And yes, it's now turned into a movie. Starring by Sam Claflin and Emilia Clarke.

Watched the trailer. Okay, it seemed like a sad romance movie.
Read the book halfway. This is hilarious and sad at the same time, huh.
Re-watched the trailer. Teary-eyed.
Finish the book. Crying and sobbing myself, WTH.

Me Before You is about Will Traynor who seem to me like a guy who believes that life should be about doing a lot of things, not just accepting it. You have to change things. That's what I interpreted from his characters. Then, he was in accident, became quadriplegic where everything below his chest were paralyzed. Yes, he can't recover. He gave his parents 6 months until he chose to end his life with his own way by going to Dignitas (assisted dying organisation).

I pretty much relate myself with Louisa Clark. She was a very happy person. Look at the way she dressed herself. Lots of colors. That is how I live my life. I like wearing colorful clothes because I do believe it affects your mood. In some way, attention is what I seek for.

Well, my classmates know me and colors are inseparable.

Lou said she's happy with the way she is at the moment. She's very ordinary. Same goes to me. I hate changes. I just want to go through the same things, maybe a few changes. Despite I want to try and explore more things deep down inside of me, I know, they are difficult for some reasons.

I find myself get comfortable with ordinary things. Where they don't get much attention from others. Guess that is why I divert them to my choice of clothing.

The ending of the book, I would say it was unexpected. I thought Will would change his mind. I really do. Even on the last page, I was hoping there would be some sort of twist. If someone saw me when I read the book towards the ending, they must've thought I was out of my mind. Sobbing. Crying. Runny nose. The story changed my view on people like Will.

p/s: I'm not sure how I can watch the movie without crying. Well, watching it alone!

Note To Yourself, Lili

Hey Lili,

I know right now you're having a hard time. That you try to change for good but hey, Rome was not built in a day. I noticed when you got carried away, you drifted apart and sometimes I saw you cried yourself to sleep. But who the heck has rainbows everyday. You do you. There are days when you regrets over decision and mistakes which you still wondering if it was the right thing to do. Don't shudder. Ever.

Nah I had my meltdown already. So I'm all okay.

p/s: No this note was not about relationship, I basically had a meltdown about my posting. It was a good one since I did it with my friends in a whatsapp group haha :)

Book: How To Fall In Love

But where pain was, healing could come; where loneliness was, new relationships could be formed; where rejection was, new love could be found. It was a moment. And moments changed. 

(Cecelia Ahern, How To Fall In Love)

I really mad at myself for taking such a long time to finish this book when in fact this book actually captured my heart. I started reading this book a few weeks back and completely forgot about it. Today I made a pact to start reading again before I forgot about the characters. You know when you had finished a book and said to yourself 'I need to read this book again!" Well this is the book, people. THIS IS IT. 

As far as I recalled, I'm a bad reader. How I choose books? Most of the times because it has nice cover. Believe me. But I have one favorite author. Cecelia Ahern will always hold a special place in my heart. Right now I've collected most of her books. Though some readers hate the fact she always instilled magical elements in her book, for some reasons I like it. Even though HTFIL doesn't have the magical elements it has become my favorite book now. YASZ! (Mental note: Now I need to finish the book before which I abandoned every nights before I slept last year, dang I have to start from page 1.) 

p/s: Anyway by Tori Kelly

Spoken Word Poetry

A few days ago I got hooked on spoken word poetry. It's like getting to know another world after, let's say, 5 or 6 months of doing NOTHING. Well well some people might be judgmental "Oh wow, you only listen to English radio station in car now you prefer poetry instead of everything in Malay?"

Kinda. Yeah. Lol. I only listen to English radio station in my car. Why?

It's just I always feel listening to songs in Malay are too straighforward. Erm how can I put these into words. Malay is my first language, hence, all the bunga-bunga and cheesy words get me like 'Eiuw'.

I am amaze by our beautiful Bahasa Malaysia. Cuma cannot bear with the 'Hai, saya betul-betul sayang awak' kekeke. Bahasa Jiwa Bangsa.

So here's my favourite poetry from Sarah Kay and Phil Kaye, 'When Love Arrives'

I knew exactly what love looked like – in seventh grade
Even though I hadn’t met love yet, if love had wandered into my homeroom, I would’ve recognized him at first glance. Love wore a hemp necklace.
I would’ve recognized her at first glance, love wore a tight french braid.
Love played acoustic guitar and knew all my favorite Beatles songs.
Love wasn’t afraid to ride the bus with me.
And I knew, I just must be searching the wrong classrooms, just must be checking the wrong hallways, she was there, I was sure of it.
If only I could find him.
But when love finally showed up, she had a bow cut.
He wore the same clothes every day for a week.
Love hated the bus.
Love didn’t know anything about The Beatles.
Instead, every time I try to kiss love, our teeth got in the way.
Love became the reason I lied to my parents. I’m going to- Ben’s house.
Love had terrible rhythm on the dance floor, but made sure we never missed a slow song.
Love waited by the phone because she knew if her father picked up it would be: “Hello? Hello? I guess they hung up.”
And love grew, stretched like a trampoline.
Love changed. Love disappeared,
Slowly, like baby teeth, losing parts of me I thought I needed.
Love vanished like an amateur magician, and everyone could see the trapdoor but me.
Like a flat tire, there were other places I planned on going, but my plans didn’t matter.
Love stayed away for years, and when love finally reappeared, I barely recognized him.
Love smelt different now, had darker eyes, a broader back, love came with freckles I didn’t recognize.
New birthmarks, a softer voice.
Now there were new sleeping patterns, new favorite books.
Love had songs that reminded him of someone else, songs love didn’t like to listen to. So did I.
But we found a park bench that fit us perfectly
We found jokes that make us laugh.
And now, love makes me fresh homemade chocolate chip cookies.
But love will probably finish most of them for a midnight snack.
Love looks great in lingerie but still likes to wear her retainer.
Love is a terrible driver, but a great navigator.
Love knows where she’s going, it just might take her two hours longer than she planned.
Love is messier now, not as simple.
Love uses the words “boobs” in front of my parents.
Love chews too loud.
Love leaves the cap off the toothpaste.
Love uses smiley faces in her text messages.
And turns out, love shits!
But love also cries.
And love will tell you you are beautiful and mean it, over and over again. “You are beautiful.”
When you first wake up, “you are beautiful.”
When you’ve just been crying, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t want to hear it, “you are beautiful.”
When you don’t believe it, “you are beautiful.”
When nobody else will tell you, “you are beautiful.”
Love still thinks you are beautiful.
But love is not perfect and will sometimes forget, when you need to hear it most, you are beautiful, do not forget this.
Love is not who you were expecting, love is not who you can predict.
Maybe love is in New York City, already asleep;
You are in California, Australia, wide awake.
Maybe love is always in the wrong time zone.
Maybe love is not ready for you.
Maybe you are not ready for love.
Maybe love just isn’t the marrying type.
Maybe the next time you see love is twenty years after the divorce, love is older now, but just as beautiful as you remembered.
Maybe love is only there for a month.
Maybe love is there for every firework, every birthday party, every hospital visit.
Maybe love stays- maybe love can’t.
Maybe love shouldn’t.
Love arrives exactly when love is supposed to,
And love leaves exactly when love must.
When love arrives, say, “Welcome. Make yourself comfortable.”
If love leaves, ask her to leave the door open behind her.
Turn off the music, listen to the quiet, whisper,
“Thank you for stopping by.”

p/s: Maybe love just isn't the marrying type.
 

Current Mood

Baru masuk surah Fatir (Pencipta) masa mengaji. Terus terkesan dengan ayat kedua. Sabarlah duhai hati. Bukan kau seorang je yang sakit.

Whatever Allah grants to people of mercy - none can withhold it; and whatever He withholds - none can release it thereafter. And He is the Exalted in Might, the Wise.

Meanwhile, been listening to these songs:

Kfine, kenapa lagu Sia, 1975 and Ariana Grande tiba-tiba lepas surah Fatir kan? Let's just say the lyrics felt so close to what I'm feeling lah macam tu.

Baby, don't you know all them tears gon' come and go
Baby, you just gotta make up your mind
That every little thing is gonna be alright
Baby, don't you know all them tears gon' come and go
Baby, you just gotta make up your mind
We decide it, we're gonna be alright.

p/s: 2016 got me like, eh dah 24 ^^

SPP Interview: My Experience

Kinda debating to write this post, but whatever.

Here you go, my experience for SPP interview. 

On April 13th, 2016. 

7.30 a.m.

Room 8. (Note that the panel for each room might change according to weeks.)

I didn't snap any pictures in front of SPP building. Imagine the feelings you had on that morning. Even if you had prepared mentally and physically. Trust me, I'm a teacher. Haha. Oh forgot to mention that we stayed in Mihrab Hotel, Putrajya. I would say around 10 minutes driving. (Of course, if you are driving to the interview, please check the SPP building beforehand.) Don't get confused with SPA, sebab u can actually see the sign for SPA building tapi untuk SPP di Kompleks Jabatan Perdana Menteri. Rasanya dari Mihrab Hotel tu kitorg jumpa SPA dulu baru SPP. 

Tak perlu drive masuk mana-mana guards untuk ke SPP tu. You should see a lot of you with blazer and files walking on that morning, so just follow them if you get lost. Parking depan SPP tu limited tapi around the place ada parking with tickets. Luckily Salleh drop us that morning, hehe. 

Get ready with your driving license, matrik cards would do too for you to get the visitor pass. Don't do anything on your own. Tak tahu please tanya orang. Then, check which building is your bilik interview. Mine was B3 bilik 8. So, block 3. It is a little bit further away from the building you get the visitor pass.

Once you in the room, you sit according to your room. Room 1 row 1 macam tu lah (tapi kitorg duduk je mana), ada pegawai yang akan panggil nama kita untuk check file. So make sure your file dah complete tapi if you're not sure ke just bring everything. Kalau ada yang tak perlu, pegawai tu akan keluarkan.

I got a very friendly staff. It was a guy (pewit, haha joking). He looked like Eric Leong yang deko rumah tu. Sorry! Ingat kan Chinese but he greeted me with salam. He played a big role to calm down you guys on the morning as far as I can remember I was so nervous and didn't eat anything. Once your file is OKAY, you should be ready for the interview. In my case, the staff told us who are our panel right after we lined up to go into the room. We were the first group so if you are the second and so on you should know your panel from the people before that.

Memang masa beratur nak masuk tu akan nervous sangat-sangat, blank and tak ingat apa-apa dah. It's normal. Tawakal and redha. You read a lot of things dah kan mesti ingat punya. Jangan stress or tension sampai moody ke. Relax. Even the panel said they would not fail anyone unless they had to. Our group questions were a lot of experiences from practicum and your teaching. Kalau you tak ingat ke, your group will help you. No worries. In my case, the panel bagi hints jugak sebab all of us stuck. 

Good luck. Setiap orang ada lain-lain pengalaman SPP. So, do your best!

p/s: This is the life!

Stickwitu 1.0

I shall name this post 1.0 because it marked our first mini reunion after 5 months of graduating.

So, SPP interview? Alhamdulillah another phase of becoming a teacher. Not sure if I nailed or screwed it. Nevertheless, I did it! Good luck to others, if you haven't done your interview. Perhaps I should write an entry about my experience there.

We stayed in Putrajaya for 2 nights, of course filled with a lot of foods, chit chat and girls. Ya Allah, rindunya. Sebelum ni dah biasa tengok muka masing-masing for 5 and 1/2 years. Imagine. Had the chance to meet Mifzal, Kak Aida's baby. Lemme tell you, this baby ain't crying easily. Haha.

Lepas dendam dengan Ikea's meatballs, hehe. Satisfaction.

Now? Let's hope for the best.

p/s: When you tried your best and gave everything, the best thing to do after that is Doa. Rezeki Allah SWT tu luas, you don't get posted tapi you still got the time to spend with family. Instead of negativity, please spread the positivity. If your friends have good news and you don't, don't get demotivated. Again, rezeki Allah SWT tu luaskan.